This list is compiled from questions that have been frequently asked when going through the Life Compass process. If your question is not answered, please click on the contact us link below and we will try and answer your question as soon as possible. We will post our response here so that others may benefit from your answer.
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To begin the process, you must first define the area you’re investigating. Your question may be specific or global.
Some specific questions look like this:
I’m having a hard time getting along with my spouse. We argue a lot about parenting. What matters to me the most about being a parent?
What matters to me regarding my work?
What are the values I want to BRING to a relationship?
What are the values I want to RECEIVE in a relationship?
A more global question would be—What values make me theunique person that I am? What are thethings in life I really care about?
Or, what do I want my life to be about?
However you phrase this question, make sure it’s answerable and meaningful to YOU.
Often people don’t know what they value because they overthink it. What do my parents, my spouse, my religion, my boss, my friends think I should value? What does my society or my culture tell me I should value. If we give our mind enough time, it will jump in and tell us what to value.Oftentimes, it’s not what we truly value. Going fast in this process gives your unconscious or deeper self a chance to respond. When people move as quickly as they can through the process, they are usually pleasantly surprised by their results. DON’T OVERTHINK THIS, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.
My great religion is a belief in the blood, the flesh, as being wiser than the intellect. We can go wrong in our minds. But what our blood feels and believes and says, is always true. The intellect is only a bit and a bridle.
— D.H. Lawrence
There are 108 cards in the deck. All of the values on the cards matter to SOMEONE, but not all of them will matter to you. The first step is to narrow the field of choices. Try to empty your mind of all judgment about what you SHOULD value. Try to be as open as you can be. Again, trust your instincts, move quickly.
When we are fearful about something, or feel guilty about something, we can distort our values. Fear and guilt are powerful emotional pulls.
For example, here’s a typical Guilt pattern. Say you come from a family that values higher education. Intellect is everything and everyone has at least a Master’s degree.What do you do if what makes you feel alive is Creativity or Play? The family pattern could tell you that you SHOULD choose law school. What happens if you do?
An Anxiety pattern may look like this—Your father died at forty from heart disease. You’re thirty-nine. Much of your life is focused on staying healthy so you don’t die. So you tell yourself that Health is your number one priority. Now, being healthy is a very good thing, but what if you really value Adventure?
Taking the values that you feel anxiety or Guilt out of the sort gives you a chance to see if there are other things that matter.
When you’re driving at night, it’s a good idea to look away from the oncoming headlights of a car because they can blind you and make it impossible to see where you’re going. Same thing with the Guilts and Fears. We look away, so that we can clearly see the road ahead. We will come back to them later, though, to recheck them for the sense of vitality that authentic life values have.
Why not just pick seven cards? Again, you want your deeper self or unconscious mind to make these determinations. When we pick, we usually have a lot of heady justifications and reasons involved. Sometimes that can lead us to our values, but most of the time it doesn’t. Choosing each card by itself keeps the process removed from our old ways of thinking.
Remember the life calculator? How much time do you have anyway? CAN you really do everything WELL?
To allow ourselves to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands,to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everythingis to succumb to violence.
As we said earlier, authentic life values have a particular feeling to them. They feel alive. Just because you have anxiety or Guilt associated with a value, however, doesn’t also mean that it’s not important to you. Since you’ve had an opportunity to choose values, you may have a sense of that valued feeling. Now it’s time to go back to your Fears and Guilts and see if you have any of that alive feeling underlying the fear or guilt.
For some people, moving the cards into patterns illuminates things for them. It makes associations clearer and helps with the next prioritizing step. If that’s not the case for you, just move on.
Often times, people already have a sense of their top values. Maybe not a verbal sense, but a feeling. They know, but things still don’t work that well in their lives.
Here’s an example:
For some women, Family is a core value, but not the only one. So when they feel out of balance, they put more energy into this area of their lives, neglecting other areas that are also very important. This can lead to frustration. For some men, the value that can dominate is Work.
When you have to choose, it’s important to know what your number one value is. If your life is very complicated, and it’s impossible to have the balance, choosing your top value may not make your situation better,but it can help it to not be worse.
Something is precious when we don’t have a lot of it.Something is valuable when we are willing to give something precious for it.Your values are what you are willing to give your precious days to. In a life well lived, most of that precious time is given in service of what matters to us—our values. Values also have aquality of vitality and aliveness. When we are supporting our values, even when it's hard, we feel alive and life feels worth living.
The price of anything is the amount oflife you exchange for it.